Lamb Kofte Kebabs

Let's face it, kebabs from the high street shops are fucking rotten. Who knows what's in them? The kebab shop owners don't. 

Making your own kebabs is healthier, cheaper and frankly, they taste better. Making them yourself also makes you less of a life loser and more of a life winner. You should really never wander into a kebab shop unless you've been out on the adult-juice on a Thursday night and you're looking for some grease and mystery meat to soak up the alcohol and avoid a hangover. 

The lamb in this recipe can be switched for any minced meat including (but not limited to) turkey, pork, beef, chicken or mutton. The herbs and seasonings can also be switched to softer flavours like basil & tomato, roasted garlic & black pepper, rosemary & apple, etc. 

I paired these kebabs with marinated white cabbage, cherry tomatoes and cucumber. Couscous is a lovely side dish but I would always include some sort of dressed salad. I've used turkish flavours but as mentioned earlier, you can use any flavours as long as you pair them with a suitable side dish. 

I made my kebabs very hot because we like spicy food. Feel free to switch the hot peppers for mild ones or omit them altogether. But if you are going to use the hot peppers, yoghurt sauce is a great accompaniment and I've left the recipe below. 

RECIPE: LAMB KOFTE KEBABS

Package of minced lamb (be smart and get this from the butcher or deli counter) 

A few chilies 

A handful of fresh mint

Approx. 1 tbsp minced garlic

Salt and pepper to taste 

Some skewers

Extra virgin olive oil (or just oil, you'll really never know the difference)

Start by murdering a few chilies. 

Muahahaha. Then add them to a bowl with the fresh mint, garlic and seasonings. I used a mortar and pestle because I'm a total food snob but you can really just mash them together a bit. 

Here's the fun part. Just take your minced lamb and spice mixture and mush it around the skewer. 

Coat all of your kebabs in the olive oil and either grill on the bbq until done or under your grill on medium-high for 20 minutes, turning once. 

To make the salad, just put some of your favourite vegetables in a bowl and dress them. I used white cabbage, tomatoes and cucumbers. I marinated them in olive oil, sea salt, oregano and white wine vinegar for 2 hours or so. 

RECIPE: TATZIKI (CUCUMBER AND YOGHURT SAUCE)

This recipe serves about 3 people. 

1 cup of plain greek yoghurt

1/2 cup grated cucmber

1 tbsp minced garlic

1 tbsp olive oil

pinch of salt

1 tsp dried chilies (Optional and totally not traditional. I just like it.) 

Grate your cucumber and place it into a few paper towels. Squeeze out as much of the excess water as you can or your sauce will be really runny. 

Mix all of the ingredients together. 

Eat. 

Baked Garlic & Maple Camembert

As mentioned previously, the objective of this blog is to provide a more relaxed approach to delicious and impressive food. Only too often I find myself speaking to someone who is planning a dinner party and having to calm them down as though they're a wild animal. 

"Calm down. It's just egg and cheese," I'll find myself saying to a girlfriend that is sweating through her Cath Kidston apron with wild eyes and unkempt hair. 

"But it's his mother!" she'll cry. "I have got to get the truffle soufflé perfect or she'll never let him marry me." 

I can never understand why people get so wound up about food. I get wound up about food because I love it and I get excited about eating it. That's not what I mean. I'm talking about the people that can only bring themselves to order the chicken because it's "the safest" dish on a beautiful French menu or the ones whose hearts start beating faster the moment you suggest adding a splash of white wine to a sauce. 

The trick is to keep it easy and simple but have the courage to try new flavour combinations. Make food that you are comfortable cooking and understand the science of if you've got company coming, but stop being afraid of it. 

This recipe can't even possibly count as a recipe because it literally involves the least amount of effort imaginable. 

RECIPE: BAKED GARLIC & MAPLE CAMEMBERT

Now remember, chill the fuck out. 

If you can't find camembert or you have something else in your fridge, any cheese with a rind will do. I like french brie and it's cheap as chips in England. 

A wheel of camembert

Approx. 2 tbsp minced garlic 

Approx. 2 tbsp maple syrup (if you used honey or agave nectar that would also be legit) 

Baguette or any type of bread for dipping

Just take the maple syrup and garlic and put it on top of the cheese like in the photo below. Bake it at about 200 Celsius for 10-15 minutes or until it starts to lean over. If it's starting to lean over you know that the inside is gooey. 

After it bakes you should eat it immediately with some crusty bread. I loved this with a Cote Du Rhone but a beer would do the same job. 

Pink Mojito Spritzer

What better way to start my first food blog than to get pickled? 

The nature of this blog will never be to snob you right out of bothering to try the recipes. I will never suggest that you fly out to Italy to buy your fresh pasta or spend hours crushing tomatoes for your sauce when perfectly good pre-crushed tomatoes will be sitting in your local grocery shop waiting to be bought. 

I have never been the type of cook to follow an exact recipe because I have a natural understanding of food. Not everyone has this luxury, but I do think that a more relaxed approach in your kitchen will make cooking a lot more fun. In general terms, I would never suggest making something that you have to go out and buy every single ingredient for. Start with something that you already have in the fridge and then build your inspiration from that. 

If you're a beginner, please follow a recipe and have a parent or guardian supervise you around the stove. I'm saying this because if you're an adult you shouldn't be a beginner in the kitchen. If you are, get off the internet and go sort your life out. 

The bottle of chemicals and sugar that you'll see below is perfect for a hot summer's day but lacks a bit of love. Drunk alone it tastes like bitter maple syrup with cheap Russian vodka, but it has some serious potential. 

Here's how I fix it: 

RECIPE: PINK MOJITO SPRITZER 

Ready-to-drink mojito (not necessarily strawberry) - 1 glass (but who are you kidding?)

A few diced strawberries    

                                                                 

Half a pink grapefruit - juiced

Splash of soda water or 7-Up

Juice your grapefruit into the glass. If this is too messy, use a fork and juice it into a bowl and transfer it. 

Murder a strawberry in cold blood. Chop it up into tiny pieces. 

Muddle the strawberries in with the grapefruit juice and a bit of the mojito mix. 

Fill 3/4 of the way with mojito mix and top with soda water. 

         Drink the ever-loving-shit out of it and make another one.